How to cope with all these and still function somewhat normal?

By Gabriela Casineanu, ACC, ORSC, Canada

This might be a frequent question asked by parents who already have a busy daily life, and an additional, unwanted, worrying situation: a child who was diagnosed with cancer. I said “diagnosed with cancer” because I’m assuming that it’s a diagnose from a traditional medicine perspective.

Did you ever notice the body’s natural healing process if we allow it?

When you have a scratch on your hand, for example, your body knows how to build the new cells and heal by itself. It might have a blueprint of a healthy body somehow, that it’s accessed to rebuild exactly what it needs for healing. It seems that in what traditional medicine calls “cancer”, this natural healing process is blocked somehow.

Let’s do a quick exercise in four steps – it might be easier than you think!

  • Step 1: Imagine yourself taking care of your child, the way that you would like to (if it wouldn’t be anything else that “eats” your time). How do you feel, just by thinking of that? What are the sensations in your body while holding that image in your mind? Take a few moments to notice how it is.
  • Step 2: Let go of that image from your mind.
  • Step 3: Now, imagine yourself working on a difficult project, with a short deadline and a lot more work to do until it’s finished! How does that feel? What sensations do you notice in your body by thinking of that short deadline and all the work still to be done? Are you tensed or relaxed? Calm or frustrated? Stay “there” a few moments.
  • Step 4: Relax now… you finished the exercise!

What did you learned from this brief experience?

Did you notice that, by holding a different image or thought in your mind, your body reacts instantaneously and differently? There’s a chain of thoughts generating feelings that very often gets unnoticed! And based on how your body feels, you have enough energy or less energy to carry on all the actions you want!

How often do you pay attention to your thoughts? They might add an additional stress to your body that’s already stressed enough by what’s happening in your life!

Did you also notice that when you’re stressed, your actions could stress those around you as well? Your colleagues, your family members… including your child! And so, without even wanting to, you add more stress to his already weak body – this doesn’t help him much, do it? He needs all the love and energy he can get, instead of more stress!

I’m a little bit in your face saying that this situation might get into a downward spiral, unwanted by both of you. Could this be part of that mechanism that’s blocking his weak body to start the healing process?!

If you feel guilty for not being able to do more, or frustrated by the health system, or stressed by all the things happening to you, or… please stop all that! You’re harming yourself, and you’re harming the environment you’re in at home and work.

Without knowing exactly your situation, I dare to add here a few suggestions:

  • Please don’t feel guilty! Do your best in such situation, and focus on what else you can do. Don’t spend your precious time by feeling guilty on something that you can’t control or you id in the past. This could drain your energy, and you need all of it to take care of your child, of yourself, the rest of your family, and your work. Do what you can, and let go what you can’t!
  • Being frustrated on the health system doesn’t help either – the system it’s only at the level it could achieve up to now. Look for alternative medicine if you want, search for other options or a second opinion. We often hear of people that conquer the cancer with or without the help of traditional medicine – what did they do? What can you do?
  • Financial issues? Talk with other people that are in a similar situation, look for organizations that provide such help, ask for alternatives, ask your friends what else you can do… You don’t need to go through this alone, it’s adding another burden on your shoulders … and you already have one big enough!
  • Start noticing what thoughts do you have in your mind and how do you feel:
  • a. If you start feeling pity for your child, let that go… focus instead on the fact that you can still show him your love while his here! Cherish these moments, even in such a difficult situation! These feelings will help you both enjoy more each other company, instead of adding bitterness. And it might even help the healing.
    b. Anger? Let it go! It doesn’t help to keep it inside, to accumulate it. It could “eat” you from inside out. And you need all the strength you have to cope with this situation.
    c. If there are moments at work when you can’t do anything for your child (in meetings for example, or when working on a task) – send him mentally your love, and then focus on your work. By accomplishing your work tasks, you’ll feel better and you don’t have to worry that the work results could affect your life (especially now!).

  • Pay more attention to your child needs, his talents and passion. Even with a week body he could tell you what he needs and loves. It might be his body asking for a specific food… for example. Help him to do things he loves and enjoys, even if it’s just his favourite music he wants. If he feels good, he will have more energy to help the healing process. Do you know about Dr. Masaru Emoto’s work?
  • I’m a strong believer that focusing on positive thoughts could help the healing process. Remember the exercise from the beginning? Imagine your child being healthy as often as you can, and you enjoy together this life… Positive feelings are a way to accessing the healthy blueprint of our body, and to help the healing process. Notice how you handle the situation while holding these thoughts, and the effects on you and those around you. Be patient - any natural process takes time. Believe that something good will come out of this, even when you don’t see the results.
  • Show appreciation others and yourself, for everything you do – even if you consider you didn’t do enough!
  • Ansel Adams said: "In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration." Life is a journey. Be grateful for what you learn from your experiences: ironically, the most difficult ones are the most powerful teachers!
  • Gabriela Casineanu, ACC, ORSC